My Beautiful Jewish Year

Hello nice people who still visit Kosher Whine!

In case anyone was wondering what happened with KosherCop's campaign to get a cat, I can tell you he won. In fact he won big - I was just about worn down and willing to get one adult cat, slightly used, previously owned. But right at that point I made the mistake of visiting our friends' brand new tiny 8 week old fluffy little kittens. And suddenly KosherCook's assertion that you should always get 2 kittens to keep each other company made perfect sense.

Within a couple of weeks we found these 2 crazy kits:

Chickpea and Nemo - May 2012

Nemo snuggling Chickpea - November 2012

These cats are REALLY attached to each other!

They are a lot of fun and EXTREMELY patient with KosherCop, and they do entertain each other.

They destroy the house, though - literally - Nemo crawled up into the basement ceiling and brought half of it crashing down.

Anyway, just a quick update on the cats. But, the real reason I wanted to post here is to let you know I've started a new project for 2013:
My Beautiful Jewish Year.

It's a year-long project to finally organize our lives, based on the idea that the reason my efforts over the last 20 years have failed is because they weren't focused on Shabbat and the Jewish holidays.

It's just getting started, but I have lots of plans, downloads and crafts coming, so I hope you'll check it out!

Campaign for Real Felines

Our house is under siege. Protesters have arrived. There will be no peace until their demands are met.

KosherCop has lately embarked upon a relentless campaign to adopt a cat. This past Shabbat he took all of his stuffed animals, lined them up on the couch, and announced they were protesting until we got one. Then he yelled, "Occupy the [Kosher Whine] house!"

Apparently, he "really, really, really needs a cat."

I, however, do not want a cat. We used to have cats and when the last one passed away I embraced our cat-free, hairball-free, ammonia-free home and never looked back.

But I'm not sure I can hold out much longer. It's not just the begging, pleading, negotiating, and presenting of logical arguments (he's nothing if not his father's son). It's also the sudden preoccupation with our most recently deceased cat.

The cat has been gone for 3 1/2 years and KosherCop was lukewarm at best toward her when she was alive. But, he is missing her terribly all over again. Last week he had an art project at school where they had to work in the style of artist Alberto Giacometti (I love his school's art program!) So KosherCop's project was an elongated cat that was very much in the style of this cat. When he showed it to me he told me - on the verge of tears - it was a very long Zeebo and she was crying because she missed us. Well, of course, that made me cry, too. Heck, I'm crying right now just thinking about it.

KosherCop's picture of Long Crying Zeebo in the style of Alberto Giacometti

Then, yesterday, I was at a school event and mentioned the stuffed animal protest to his teacher and she told me that he has also been writing a story about Zeebo in creative writing - a memorial tribute, if you will. That may have pushed me right over the edge.

And so, in the face of overwhelming evidence I'm thinking that our son may in fact actually "need" a cat.

Ironically, KosherCook, who has wanted us to get a new cat for quite some time and was initially firmly in KosherCop's corner on this one, has now decided maybe it isn't a good idea. Apparently my arguments against were more persuasive than I realized.

So KosherCook has left it that if, and only if, KosherCop stops asking, in the spring we can consider getting a kitten.

I've got a bad feeling that some of us may not be able to make it until spring. I mean, come on, Hanukkah is coming up. I've always wanted to try to gift wrap a kitten!

Still Alive and Kicking

Yes, it has been a very long time since I last posted. Many people have pointed this out to me and have even said they miss it - which is very nice to hear.

A lot has happened since last November. The most important thing is that KosherCook started a new job last December and became full-time in April. This has been a wonderful improvement to our standard of living, but turned my life upside-down in a number of unexpected ways. Ways that should have been quite expected for someone with a decent amount of foresight and the requisite organizational skills to see beyond lunchtime. But no, not me.

At first everything was normal because KosherCook was working part-time and still picking up KosherCop after school. However, when he started full-time KosherCop began staying after school in his school's after-care program. This was all well and good, but what I didn't account for were days off.

Schools have a ridiculous number of days that they don't bother to open. Federal holidays, Jewish holidays, extra vacation days before and after Jewish holidays that other schools don't have, professional days, and the dreaded snow day (which doesn't require actual snow, just the threat of snow, to grind our lives to a halt).

We had no system in place to deal with these days off and they were a problem even when KosherCook was still part-time since he doesn't have a job that can be done from home. So all of last winter and spring was a marathon of frantic calls to grandma to see if she could babysit, days spent working from home, and in some cases unexpected days off to accommodate a school schedule that can be best described as whimsical.

Summer looked to be better as we signed KosherCop up for Camp Shoresh for both of their sessions. However, again my monumental lack of appropriate planning reared its ugly head when we realized that A) Shoresh was only 6 weeks and 2) when we scrutinized the logistics of the bus schedule we were in real trouble as to how we were going to get KosherCop to and from the bus. And again, because KosherCook's schedule was less flexible and I have a very understanding boss, I adopted a crazy schedule for the summer. While KosherCop was riding back and forth 50 minutes each way to and from camp, I was driving back and forth between Maryland and Virginia and then finishing my work day at home from 5pm to 6:30pm. Then during the other FOUR weeks of summer (did you know summer is 10 weeks long, not 8? I didn't) working from home, scrambling for playdates and again begging Grandma to babysit. The good thing was that KosherCop had a great time at camp which has not been the case for several summers.

Needless to say I couldn't wait for school to start. This year I've gone ahead and actually planned my work schedule around school (and more importantly no school) and things are somewhat more predictable.

A lot of this predictability is also due to the life-changing birthday gift I received from KosherCook last February - an iPod Touch. My years and years of obsessively searching for the perfect calendars and dayplanners came to an end when I set up my Google calendar and work Outlook calendar to both appear on my iPod. What a revelation! No more copying over my digital calendars onto paper and then ignoring them since they were rarely up-to-date anyway. Plus, we now have the added bonus of KosherCop talking about "apps" all the time.

The other sad way in which our lives have been changed is the marked decrease in gourmet dinners. KosherCook is no longer home early enough to cook a big dinner. I've had to start cooking some nights as well (gasp!). It's not so bad. I'm actually a decent cook, just not as creative as KosherCook. We still get the holiday meals and KosherCook outdid himself this year for Rosh Hashanah. He even was able to cook ahead so our guests weren't standing around for 2 hours waiting to eat.

And finally, KosherCop recently demanded to read this blog and was greatly offended by my descriptions of his antics - he thinks I am making fun of him and has told me in no uncertain terms that I am not to write about him anymore (we'll see).

So you see, everything that was at the heart of this blog has changed. We aren't an unusual family with a stay-at-home dad, just another hectic family with 2 working parents and not enough time. We don't have fabulous one-of-a-kind gourmet dinners every night and the KosherCop gravy train of hilarious material may be drying up.

So as I lay here home sick from work for the second day in a row, I'm pondering the future of this blog. What will be the point of it? Does there have to be a point? Will anyone miss the images if I just write and don't have an image to go with it? Can I stop censoring myself and tinkering with the blog design long enough to get some posts out before 2am?

Perhaps these questions will be answered. Perhaps they will remain a mystery. Either way, I miss writing and plan to be here more often.

I hope you will join me!

Fabulous Shavuot Finds

I spent today thinking about all of the wonderful additions I want to someday make to this blog, and couldn't wait to get home to start them. Of course life intruded and now it is midnight.

So instead I'm just going to share a hodge podge of fun Shavuot finds I came across. (As well as a few KosherCop tidbits, of course.)

Strawberry Rhubarb Blintzes Recipe
Today was the first day of our CSA delivery for the season and as usual this time of year, we received rhubarb. One of our members was nice enough to post a recipe from myjewishlearning.com for Strawberry Rhubarb Blintzes.






Creative Jewish Mom
I have been all over the blogasphere looking for Jewish craft blogs and haven't had much luck...until today. I discovered Creative Jewish Mom which has tons of great craft tutorials for Jewish holidays. I love these cupcake paper carnations! Too bad I waited until the last minute and can't possibly festoon the house with paper flowers before the holiday starts tomorrow night.






KosherEye.com
For everything kosher, check out KosherEye.com. They have a kosher cheese update for Shavuot as well as
kosher deals and a project called “Culinary Heirlooms” which will highlight readers contributions of beloved handwritten recipe cards (I have a few in my mother's handwriting that are all stained and frayed, but I love them), advice, photos, etc.




KosherCop Updates
KosherCop brought home all of his Shavuot projects from school today, which include this vegetable placemat and Ten Commandments that are written in kid-friendly terms that a six year-old can understand:

1. There is only one G-d
2. Do not bow down to idols
3. Use G-d's name only when you need to
4. Rest on Shabbat
5. Listen to Ima and Aba (Mom and Dad)
6. Use words, not hands
7. Be good friends
8. Do not take what does not belong to you
9. Tell exactly what happened
10. Be happy with your own toys

Mother's Day
Backing up a bit, I received a big pile of presents for Mother's Day - all handmade in school as well. There was this beautiful card with a hebrew poem that made me cry:

Mommy, precious to me
Mommy, precious to me,
Precious mommy.
Mommy, precious to me,
Precious mommy.
My precious mommy,
Loves me very much,
Loves me very much.

I will smile at you,
I will smile,
I will smile at you,
I will smile,
I will sing a little song about you,
Because I love you,
I love you.

I had to search for the translation and found it here along with a recording of the song.

In case it isn't clear - that is KosherCop on the left inside the heart and I'm on the right.

But wait there's more: I also received a matching photo clip and box - both decorated in my absolute favorite of all kid mediums - faux stained glass ala tissue paper!

Have a wonderful holiday!

Hag Sameach!

PS - I apologize from the bottom of my little designer's heart for the truly atrocious photo layouts on this post. The photo editor has become rather difficult to manage in Blogger and I just can't make it any better at this hour.

Abstract Art

KosherCop woke me up to give me this collage this morning. I think he figured out that I can't possibly roll over and go back to sleep instead of getting up and feeding him if I'm given artwork before my eyes can even focus.

Before and After

Before - lots of hair and teeth

After - much less hair and one less tooth

The haircut and tooth falling out did not happen on the same day. I just realized I had a picture of him sitting in the same place wearing the same shirt before and after both the haircut and tooth incident.

I say "incident" because this was not a loose tooth that finally fell out. While I was at work KosherCop managed to fall off the couch and land mouth first on a stuffed animal. I will never understand how a soft toy didn't cushion him, but instead was the offending item that caused his tooth to pop out.

And apparently it wasn't a pretty scene. I talked to him on the phone when he was finally starting to calm down, and he was pretty upset. But the Tooth Fairy made it all better. By morning he was running around whooping, "Yeah! I lost a tooth finally!"

Happy Birthday, KosherCook!

Today is KosherCook's birthday!

In usual Kosher Whine style, as I was driving home from work we were still hashing out the details of the celebration. KosherCook wanted to go out to dinner. Meanwhile, I was midway through buying him a birthday cake, card, and card from KosherCop.

I raced home, put away the cake, and enlisted KosherCop to "distract" Daddy while I snuck into the bedroom with armloads of gift wrap and ribbon - then meet me in there to help wrap his gift.

Amazingly, KosherCop did exactly what I asked - he wandered into the kitchen and started talking to his Dad about how he didn't like his cards he made earlier. I thought this was a brilliant diversion.

Little did I know he actually was distraught about his 3 failed attempts to draw a birthday cake as a perfect oval (I love that he gets perspective and doesn't think the cake should be round), and the one small mistake he made on the one beautiful elaborate card he did finish.

By the time he finished telling me about it, he had become completely inconsolable. He was devastated that he didn't have a card and gift that he made. He didn't want to sign the store-bought card I got for him and he certainly didn't want the present to be from him either.

After about a half hour of hysterical tears, I finally convinced him to give KosherCook the card he had made (that wasn't "perfect"), and KosherCop reluctantly dictated the words for the inside:

Dear Daddy,
I don't like this card, but I love you. Happy Birthday. You make yummy dinners. And you are my father. Happy Birthday.

And then he refused to sign it.

We finally made it out to dinner and had a nice meal. Although, KosherCook decided that my last beef kabob was far pinker than I'd ever eat, and helped himself to it before I could stop him. I let it go, since it was his birthday and all. But, I did make it clear that it was a good thing we were already married; if he had taken my last bite of anything on a date it would have been a dealbreaker and we wouldn't be here today.

KosherCook, of course, loved the card KosherCop made and was very happy with his new adjustable measuring cup and adjustable measuring spoons.

When dessert rolled around, we asked if there was any birthday cake - since it was his birthday (wink wink nudge nudge). There was, but there were also two flavors of pie. And KosherCook loves his pie.

For some reason he felt obligated to have cake and the most illogical argument I've ever heard followed:

KosherCook: I guess we'll have the cake.
Waitress: Just one piece?
KosherCook: No, I guess two.
Waitress: Both cake?
Me: If we are getting two why don't you get one cake and one pie?
KosherCook: No, that would be too much.
Me: But you are already getting two desserts - we can all share both.
Waitress: ??
KosherCook: Cake AND pie. No way. That's too much.
Waitress:?? (Looks at me with a look that says "This makes no sense to you either, right?")
Me: How can that be too much when it's the same amount. Two.
KosherCook: I can't possibly eat cake and pie. It's too much. We'll just have two pieces of cake.
Me: ??
Waitress:??
Me: We'll have two pieces of cake. (Give look to waitress that says, "This makes no sense to me either.")

It took me a while, but I think I finally figured out the point where the waitress and I both got lost. We both assumed that if there were two desserts and three people that we would all share the desserts - regardless of what those desserts were.

KosherCook made no such assumption. If we were ordering cake, he was having one piece - by himself - and KosherCop and I would be sharing the second piece. If we were also having pie, he would also be having one piece - by himself.

Clearly a piece of cake and a piece of pie are too much for one person.

What a Difference a Year Makes

My, how things have changed.

Some of you may remember my tales from last summer about KosherCop's over-the-top reactions to the occasional bloody knee or toe. I live in fear of his hysterics with every bump and scrape.

Things have been getting progressively better though. And tonight was downright astonishing.

Our neighborhood had a block party earlier this evening - a once a year (if we are lucky), "night out" against crime affair, where we all stumble out of our houses squinting and rubbing our eyes as we adjust to the fact that there are other people living on the block.

KosherCook and KosherCop were already there when I got home from work, so I walked over and stayed just long enough to say hello and determine that KosherCop had no intention of ever leaving the moonbounce. After 5 hours worth of conference calls at work today, I had neither the energy nor the voice to manage an hour of small talk.

KosherCook mentioned that KosherCop was very excited about having his shoes off - a rule for going on the moonbounce - but he was also walking around the street barefoot. This is usually not allowed. KosherCook doesn't believe in being barefoot. Whenever I walk around the house barefoot he points to my feet and sounds the alarm of  "Borves!" much as our Yiddish-speaking forebears would have. (Borves is barefoot in Yiddish.)

Anyway, I made a hasty exit and went back home. Maybe 15 minutes later I hear KosherCop banging on the front door yelling, "Mommy!"

I couldn't get to him immediately and as I weaved my way past the open dishwasher and other obstacles in our tiny kitchen I kept waiting for the sound of KosherCook's key in the lock.

Never heard it.

I finally got to the door and there's KosherCop - all alone, barefoot, and telling me quite calmly, "Mommy, I cut my toe."

So many questions went through my head at the same time: why is my son alone? where is KosherCook? did he let KosherCop walk home alone? did he know he was bleeding and let him go home alone anyway?

A split second later the prevailing thoughts were "call KosherCook" and "get bandaids". I called my husband as I walked KosherCop to the bathroom, because I had no idea if he even knew our son had left the block party.

As it turned out, KosherCook was completely aware - in fact he watched him from the corner, KosherCop's shoes in hand, until he got to our door. The cut came later when he stubbed his bare toe on a crack in the sidewalk.

So while I washed and bandaged my son's toe I marveled at how calm he was, hardly believing it.

No hysterics over a bleeding toe and bare feet allowed outside - all in the same night. Will wonders never cease?!

Backwards Dinner and Too Many Phone Calls

Tonight I had a really good idea. The first one. Ever.

At least that's what I've been told.

Then I was called a "dork who likes boxes." I love being a Mom.

For some reason I was feeling rebellious this evening. As Shabbat was coming to an end I was asked what was for dinner. I suggested ice cream.

KosherCop immediately said, "Mommy, that is a really good idea you have. The first one, really."

KosherCook looked disapprovingly at the two of us. But it was two against one so off we went to Baskin-Robbins.

Before we left the house I asked KosherCop to wash his hands, since he had been playing at the playground. He was cupping his ear with his hand and I thought he had gotten a mosquito bite. No. Apparently he was talking on his cell phone. His imaginary cell phone.

KosherCop: I'm talking to Miss Pinky on my cell phone.
Me: Well put her on hold and go wash your hands.
KosherCop: My phone doesn't have a hold button. If I put her on hold it will explode.
Me: Alright - just tell her excuse me and put the phone down.

Then, as a good Mom should I added,"But for goodness sake - don't get the phone wet!"

The entire way to the ice cream store KosherCop was on the "phone" - and complaining that he couldn't get any peace - "Oy, another call. Why won't everyone just leave me alone!"

Me: You could just turn it off you know.

But no, he continued talking - a long conversation with his friend "The Bug King" about how another friend's imaginary pet tarantula was having tarantula babies. I was shocked and asked if this child's mother knew. Too late - she was already bitten by one. But she was the one who got the tarantula in the first place, apparently.

Well, she got what she deserved then didn't she?

I've clearly lost my mind.

So we had our ice cream and then of course we all decided we wanted dinner. The only thing that could delight KosherCop more than ice cream for dinner was dinner for dessert.

After "dessert" we decided to go to our favorite place - The Container Store - which was surprisingly still open. This was not a popular choice with KosherCop and he grumbled all the way there about how it wouldn't be any fun.

Then when he got inside he said, "Oh sure, if you want to be one of those dorks who likes boxes!"

Hi. My name is Chaya and I'm a dork who likes boxes.

Zoom Zoom Buzz Buzz!

Last night we got together with my niece and her boyfriend. They stopped in DC after the first leg of a well-deserved road trip. They both were finishing up their first year of grad school. We decided to have a late dinner at Legal Sea Foods (the Tyson's Galleria location) - the thinking being that everyone could find a fish to love.

That was my first mistake. KosherCop did not want fish. Surprise! How is this possible? This child loves fish. Oh well, he was fine with the "Fish Shaped Ravioli".

The other surprise? Oops. I forgot I wasn't really in the mood for fish. No problem. There was a "Vegetarian Box" that sounded light and fresh.

When our waiter came to the table he asked us if we wanted appetizers. We didn't. So he went away and it was a month before we saw him again.

When he came back he asked us if we wanted appetizers - 3 more times. We still didn't.

He started taking our orders. I knew we were in trouble when KosherCook started joking with him and trying to get a recommendation, and the waiter just told him gruffly that he should pick one.

Next was KosherCop. I asked if the red sauce on the ravioli had any meat or meat stock in it - my standard question when ordering red sauce.

He looked at me like I was an idiot and said pointedly, "It doesn't have any fish in it."

"But is it made with any meat or meat stock?" I persisted.

"Why? Is he allergic to meat?" he asked snottily.

"I. just. want. to. know." So he finally agreed to ask the chef.

He came back with news that the red sauce was vegetarian and...did we want any appetizers?

We finished ordering and decided the waiter must have some incentive - like avoiding death - to push the appetizers, as opposed to, say, a short-term memory issue.

And then we waited. And waited. And waited some more.

When KosherCop was on his fourth dinner roll and lolling on my lap whining that "the food was never coming", it finally arrived.

Everything looked great. Until I saw my dinner.

It was a Chinese take-out box, upside-down on a plate. The server (not our waiter) removed the box with a flourish and what appeared to be some MSG-laden vegetables over rice oozed out.

We finally understood what had taken so long. Legal Sea Foods had to wait for my dinner to be delivered from P.F. Chang's on the other side of the mall.

The rest of the dinner went smoothly. We all enjoyed the conversation. We still did not order appetizers.

All that was left was dessert and there was still a chance of getting KosherCop into bed before midnight.

Only KosherCop and KosherCook ordered dessert. KosherCop wanted ice cream - because that was all I offered him. The waiter gave him a choice of vanilla, chocolate, or coffee.

Now KosherCop is an adventurous eater. Unlike his mother, who always went for chocolate no matter how many new and exotic ice cream flavors were offered, KosherCop is all about trying new flavors. So he picked coffee.

The waiter looked shocked. I smiled and shrugged.

Dessert arrived and since KosherCop was eating quietly, I didn't pay him too much attention. After a little while I thought to ask if he liked it, since I couldn't remember him having eaten coffee ice cream before. He said it was good and gave me a taste.

I took a mouthful and after a few seconds realized what my 5 year-old had been eating: ice cream made with what tasted like crushed espresso beans!

I hadn't considered the possibility that coffee ice cream might have actual coffee in it - every time I've ever had it it's been made with coffee "flavor" or "extract".

The waiter wandered by and before he could offer us appetizers I asked about the caffeine content of KosherCop's ice cream. In his droll manner that I had grown to love over the previous 4 hours he said, "Well it has coffee in it, you know. That's why I was so surprised you let him order it."

Ah, that was what that look meant. Too bad he hadn't used his words. I explained my experience with coffee extract and he decided to ask the chef to be sure.

When he came back he asked, "Uh, how much of it did he eat? Maybe you better not give him any more."

KosherCop was fine with this, as the stimulant properties of his ice cream had kicked in and he needed to go to the restroom - pronto. All the way there, and all the way back he explained in his way of magical thinking, where in his digestive tract he believed the caffeine was and when it would leave him.

I was just thanking my lucky stars it wasn't making him too hyper.

As we settled the bill I suddenly realized that KosherCop was running manically back and forth and slamming into the wall with greater and greater force.

Oh dear.

I made a pitstop and when I met everyone outside, my niece's boyfriend was chasing KosherCop up and down the corridor - he was being a good sport and trying to tire him out. We then went on a 45 minute spree of chasing KosherCop through the entire mall ourselves. I'm not sure I can describe what a 5 year old with a massive caffeine buzz looks and sounds like. He was racing around and talking really fast and was completely unmanageable. Right, so it sounds like any day with a five year old boy. Just multiply that times 100 and you'll have the picture. If he was a cartoon there would be a zooming noise and smoke in the spot where he used to be.

Eventually, we wrangled him out of the mall and into the car. When we got home and tried to put him to sleep there was a lot of silliness and giggling, and his eyes kept popping open at first. But that didn't last too long and he fell asleep pretty quickly.

Now I could relax. Unfortunately Chinese food ordered by way of a fish restaurant still leaves you hungry an hour after you eat it.

Too bad. I could really go for an appetizer.

Firefly Buddies

Fireflies! They are everywhere!

If you happened to see this article on fireflies this past weekend in the Washington Post you would know that we have had terrific weather for fireflies to come out and play. And they are out in droves.

KosherCop has finally discovered the joys of catching lightning bugs and has been out every night over the last week and a half - first to catch them in a jar, then just to run with them.

Most recently he has taken to running screaming through the front yard at top volume, "Aaaah! My firefly buddies! I love you! Come back firefly - my little buddy!"

Last night we tried attracting them with a flashlight. I felt kind of bad - I think one of them fell in love with it. Poor unrequited firefly love.

A few weeks ago when I finally found a sharp enough object to make holes in the lid of the jar, I let KosherCop catch some and bring them inside for the night.

About an hour after he went to sleep I was on the phone and noticed a little firefly on the bedroom door. I went out and took a head count. Three. One had in fact escaped. Apparently I made the holes too big in the top. I returned the little firefly to captivity and wondered who'd be left by morning.

Apparently only that one was smart enough to find his way out. He was gone again by morning, at which time we set them free. Mister escape artist turned up a day or two later - dead by the back door.

If only he knew where we kept the key.

Birthday Mania

Hurry! There are only a few shopping days left until KosherCop's birthday. Only 185 to be exact.

It's 6 months out and KosherCop is already talking about his next birthday party. To be fair, he actually started planning it as soon as his friends left his last party in September. But, we hadn't heard about for several months.

Now, fueled on by the sugar-coated memories of Goof Girl's in-school birthday party, KosherCop is back on track and has a clear creative vision of what the next birthday party should entail.

On Tuesday he presented his plan. I have to admit I don't remember all of it. That's mostly due to the fact that he opened with "all the kids will come to our house" and I started blacking out - even as I considered the possibility that there may still be tuna fish in the piano from his last party.

On Wednesday he interrupted his own story he had begged to tell me, to let me know that his next birthday cake would need to be a train cake again - with 2 layers - one chocolate and the other vanilla. And that he expected me to make it.

But tonight he outdid himself. He must have figured out by my previous lack of enthusiasm that this whole birthday planning project might require a little more finesse. So he took a whole new tack.

We had just arrived at the synagogue for evening minyan (my mother's yartzeit is today so I was there to say Kaddish) and the parking lot was full due to a 6th grade performance of "Fiddler on the Roof" already in progress.

KosherCook let us out so he could go look for a parking space. As we were getting out of the car, commiserating about the yuckiness of the rain, KosherCop suddenly says, "As long as we were speaking about my birthday..."

"Actually, we weren't speaking about your birthday," I told him.

"Oh," KosherCop paused thoughtfully and then continued, "well, as long as you mentioned it, let me tell you what I want for my next party..."

Of course I never heard what it was because I was laughing too loud to hear him.

Almost Spring!

Hello! Is anyone still there?

I seem to have been hibernating for the last 4 months. But, now it is almost spring and I've decided to poke my head up from my cave and start writing again.

The last few months have been very busy - mostly with getting ready for CSA season.

However, there have been some hilarious KosherCop moments along the way.

KosherCop has made big leaps in both creative and emotional growth over the last few months. We took his baby dresser out of his room and put in a big boy desk. So now he spends much of his time coloring and drawing. There have also been stories and interpretive dances (more on these later).

However, along with this increase in creativity came an increase in sensitivity.

We get a lot of "Fine! Then I guess you hate me!" if we say no about anything. There have been a lot of tears over the fact that none of us live forever and the possibility of his having to leave home someday (in the interest of him ever going to bed at night we've agreed he can live at home forever - for now anyway). There were also a few nights when he burst into tears as I sang him Oyfn Pripetchik (the Yiddish lulluby I've been singing to him since he was born) because he was overwhelmed by the beauty of the song, or how much he loves his Mommy, or the song made him sad.

And then there's his vocabulary.

KosherCook has been teaching him SAT words - the "Word of the Day" posted on the High School marquee they pass on the way to KosherCop's school. Some days he remembers them; other days he has forgotten them by the time I come home from work. And then some he actually learns and incorporates into his everyday conversations. Like the day KosherCook answered me for the 10millionth time with, "Eh, I don't know, maybe, I guess." KosherCop heard him and said, "That was a pretty tepid response, Daddy."

The Kosher Whine Wedding Mix

A couple of weeks ago KosherCook and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. In classic Kosher Whine style, we were both sick and missed our big date night out.

At least we exchanged gifts. And I do mean it was the absolute least either of us could have done. I decided to carry on the tradition KosherCook started last year
and bought his gifts at CVS: chocolates and a sodoku magazine.

He chose a more subtle gift. So subtle that I didn't even notice it until he told me about it.

I called him from work during the day and he asked if I liked my gift. Uh, what gift?

Apparently he had sneaked out to the car in the middle of the night and left a mix tape in my stereo. I had gotten into my car that morning, turned on my radio, saw that a tape was in the tape player and promptly took it out assuming KosherCook had used the car and left it in there.

Well, it was actually very sweet and romantic and I missed it. It was the mix tape that KosherCook had recorded the night before our wedding to play during our reception when the band went on breaks.

In his younger days KosherCook had been a DJ for a college radio station, so the tape ranged from obscure hilarious B side singles from his childhood (inside jokes with his family that I was let in on) to songs about love and marriage. Much of it sounds like what you would get if you knocked together the heads of Frank Sinatra, Johnny Mathis, and Elvis Costello, and then took whatever spilled out and sprinkled it over Broadway.

I love it. And I decided it would be fun to share it with all of you.

I created a playlist of all the songs I could find online. Unfortunately some of KosherCook's choices were so obscure there was no digital download available for them. And I couldn't always find the song sung by the same person as on the mix tape, but I think you will get the idea.

You can listen to the Official Kosher Whine Wedding Mix here. Enjoy!

PS - If you are dying to see the wacky tracks that weren't available digitally, feel free to email me and I'll send you the complete list of what was on the tape.

Paper Toys

Poor KosherCop has a cold. A wet, sloppy, snuffly, hacking cold. The kind I haven't seen the likes of since he first started preschool and would come home sick every other week.

Since Monday is CSA day, KosherCop usually stays for "late-stay" at his school. That way KosherCook can manage the veggie pickup. So, since KosherCop was not in school, I worked from home today and looked after him. It was actually kind of nice - he's very snuggly when he's sick. And most of the day he was content to watch TV or do art projects.

He is really into cutting paper these days. He got a workbook a couple of years ago with pages of pictures to cut out - mostly for the practice of using the scissors - that was too hard for him. Just recently, though, he discovered this book and has cut his way through most of it. In fact, the few pages left are not challenging enough for him.

So as part of the keeping-the-whining-to-a-minimum extravaganza, I went looking for some more pictures for KosherCop to cut out. I remembered about the wonderful site, The Toymaker, a site I had subscribed to a while ago and filed away for future reference. Marilyn Scott Waters is an illustrator who designs paper toys you can download for free on her website. We downloaded the "Chocolate Truck" you see above and the "Fast Race Car".

KosherCop started cutting out the Chocolate Truck and got carried away and hacked off the wheels. Since he is really good at cleaning up his mess, he decided both the toys should be recycled and stuffed them in the recycling bin. Hours later I realized what happened, fished out the sheets, flattened them, reattached the wheels on the chocolate truck and tried to assemble it.

Ours did not turn out quite as nice as the picture above from the Toymaker's site, but it sure was cute. All the toys available are quite whimsical and delightful - I highly recommend visiting it. If I was printing them out for an older child, I probably would have printed them on cardstock so they were easier to put together. But with KosherCop I figured it would just mean nicer paper was going to end up in the recycling.

Another site that has a great selection of free downloads is the Canon site - they have a whole town you can print, cut, and assemble. The toys there are a little more complicated. I printed out parts of the town to put together myself when KosherCop was younger, and I think even now they are little too complicated for him. But they are pretty cool.

It's frustrating, though, because I can remember being sick as a child and my own mother would bring me these workbooks with a city or a circus or some other scene that had perforated pieces that I could punch out and assemble. In fact I remember spending a long, itchy week with the chicken-pox playing exclusively with these workbooks until a small city had sprouted up and overtaken our dining room. I cannot find anything like this anywhere now.

The other thing that provided far too much entertainment for my sick kid, was going to amazon.com and looking up every single Magic Treehouse book.

I have no one but myself to blame for this.

Yesterday we were supposed to go to the library after running errands, also to look at Magic Treehouse books. Not to borrow them - we already have a bunch out - just to look at them. As the day wore on, I realized he was getting sick and I felt pretty crappy myself. I wanted to get him home, so as he was crying (or trying to - his heart wasn't really in it) I dangled the promise of hot chocolate and "looking inside" the books online instead of going to the library.

Well, this was an instant hit and the fun continued today. KosherCop had me look up every book that had the "click to look inside" graphic so he could view each cover up close, find out the chapter names, and read the excerpt. He was very careful to avoid spoiling any upcoming plotlines, so for each book we had to stop reading when the kids reached the treehouse. For those of you who are familiar with these books, I'm sure you have noticed that as good as these books are, there is a formula. So essentially we read 25 times about 2 kids either waking up in the middle of the night or sitting on the porch in the rain, yelling "be right back" to one or both of their parents, and dashing off into the woods. Then KosherCop would hold up his hand and say "Stop! Go Back."

It never got old - for KosherCop. Me, you coulda stuck a fork in me after the first 3. The best part was that he kept telling me - while I was trying to work - that he "needed the computer".

Ah yes, my first taste of things to come. I didn't expect to hear that for a couple of years yet.

Happy Anniversary Kosher Whine!

Kosher Whine is 1 year old today! I wrote my first blog post a year ago on October 24, 2007.

Thanks to everyone who stops by to read about the antics of KosherCook, KosherCop, and me!

Here's to another great year of mishaps, missteps, and general silliness that might provide content for this site.

Thanks for a great first year!

Chag Sameach and L'Shana Tovah!

It's October. How did this happen? Wasn't it just August?

So much has happened. I started a new job at my company. Am I enjoying it? Well, I don't come home and tell KosherCook that my day was "mind-numbing", so I guess it is better.

KosherCop turned 5 at the world's worst children's birthday party a mother could ever hope to throw. KosherCop had a great a time - he's a big fan of mayhem.

KosherCook had to go to a funeral when the party was supposed to happen so I was on my own. Thank goodness my friend LN was there to help me, or those kids would've brought me to tears. Also, KosherCop was quite the ringleader. He greeted every kid at the door with "Free candy! Come and get your free candy!" (Like a moron I had put out candy for the adults figuring they would monitor their kids chocolate intake. Wrong.) So the party started with 8 kids spilling a thousand mini M&Ms all over the living room. I also realized as this was happening that the beads for the beading project I had planned (not my idea - my son loves stringing beads) bore a striking resemblance to the mini m&ms. Luckily no one mixed them up - that I know of.

Then KosherCop decided that all the kids should come into his bedroom and shut the door. I followed them in to tell them the door needed to stay open and 6 little munchkins were jumping on the bed. KosherCop's idea. So I sent them out with some toys and closed the door. I tried to play a game with them, but our house is really tiny and all the parents were talking so the kids couldn't really hear me and just looked at me like I was crazy.

Somehow I got them to the table for lunch (which they hardly ate even though I had made very delicious tuna and PBJ sandwiches shaped like hearts and dinosaurs. The parents at least seemed to like the tuna dinosaurs) and birthday cake (which they all took 2 bites out of and left over - too many m&ms I guess).

Then, covered in tuna and cake they all went back to playing. While I tried to keep one little boy from repeatedly ramming KosherCop's bedroom door with a dump truck full of blocks, KosherCop opened the piano so all his friends could bang on it with tunafish-fingers (the piano had to be cleaned and tuned anyway - now it needs to be cleaned and de-tuna'd).

At this point I pretty much gave up and told KosherCop to give out the goody bags. It ended up being only about 15 minutes before the party was scheduled to end so it worked out okay. Then KosherCook came home and started cleaning up and all was right with the world again.

The very next day was Erev Rosh Hashanah and I somehow worked and still managed to cook chicken soup and bake a honey cake before our families gave up and went home hungry. Honestly, I don't know why they continue to show up at the time we tell them. I guess they just like us and know they won't be eating until 2 hours after they arrive. We love you too, guys!

Let's see - Rosh Hashanah - that brings us to Yom Kippur, bronchitis, lots of drugs that keep me awake but finally stopped me coughing, and then to today. KosherCook's amazing - he got up an hour before I did, fed KosherCop, and started cooking stuffed cabbage. Then he went to shul with KosherCop and I finished up the cabbage. Unfortunately that was for dinner, not lunch, which we had guests coming for. Honestly, I don't know why our friends continue to show up at the time we tell them. I guess they also like us and know they won't be eating until 2 hours after they arrive. Do you see a theme here?

The cabbage proved further to be an unfortunate choice. It was slow-cooking in our crockpot and when we came in from the Sukkah, the cabbage had released its full force of odoriferousness. The kids all pronounced the house super-stinky and I had to agree. But our friends seemed to forgive us that too. And it tasted good, despite the smell.

So that brings you up-to-date. It leaves just one thing. The election. We are reading and watching everything said about it. I can't speak for KosherCook, but I guess I think as long as I keep watching, Obama's poll numbers will stay up. Kind of like when we are driving and I don't let myself nod off because I'm afraid KosherCook will fall asleep too (when he's driving - when I'm driving I just go ahead and nap).

I have to say I enjoy the humor that comes from Sarah Palin being on the McCain ticket, though. Not just Tina Fey as Palin - which I love. I started thinking about her foreign policy expertise - being able to see Russia from her window. So I started to look at all the things I could see from my window. I can see the people coming and going from the halfway house across the street, so I will be adding drug treatment counselor to my resume. I can also see birds so I must be an ornithologist... or perhaps a cat.

I can't wait for November 4th.

Quick Updates

Things are quite hectic and stressful right now, so just a few quick updates:

Cellphones:
We finally chose cellphones and they arrived last week. It turned out after all the times Verizon lied to us and said we HAD to change our plan if we got new phones, that just wasn't true. Although, in a surprise head-exploding twist, during the TWO HOURS I spent on the phone with them trying to get the phones activated they tried one more time to tell me I had to upgrade the plan in order to use them. Luckily KosherCook was standing by and blew his stack, demanding to yell at someone. I very sweetly asked the very nice customer service kid I'd been speaking to if there was someone there my husband could yell at. Magically, after another half hour on hold he got back on and said his supervisor had been able to activate the phone.

Agenda:
After the long drawn out production of choosing cellphones, I decided to stick with what I have agenda-wise. So I purchased the 2009 Junior Levenger Agenda and Monthly Tabs. I tried to oogle the espresso Circa Jacket, but they didn't have it in yet. (Did I mention I work 3 minutes from one of the few Levenger stores on the East Coast? For Levenger fanatics this will inspire deep shades of green envy. For the longest time every time I went in there they gave me free stuff too.)

KosherCop:
Last week we celebrated "Happy Dry Underpants Day!" in honor of KosherCop sleeping through the night in underpants - that stayed dry. Yes, he's kind of old for such a milestone, but I hear it is not uncommon. We had a special evening out for him - pizza and ice cream at Rockville Town Center. He really enjoyed it and was completely entranced by a street musician playing the "fiddle." He kept wanting to throw more money in his violin case and performed a delightful "Statue of Liberty" dance to the music.

Unfortunately, the celebration was somewhat premature, as I had to get up at least once, sometimes twice every night the rest of the week to change pajamas and sheets. It was very cute however - over the weekend we had a guest over who mentioned he needed to get going to deal with a flood in his house. KosherCop very earnestly sympathized and said, "I sometimes have leaks too - in my bed at night."

Well, that's it for now. Back to my midnight attempt to take care of the 20 things I left undone the past 3 weeks, so I can freely go back to worrying about the things I need to do in the next 3 weeks.

Happy Labor Day Weekend!

Tastes Like Chicken?

Yesterday afternoon I was completely exhausted.

KosherCook had been napping for a few hours so I woke him up and stole his spot. Unfortunately, KosherCop badgered me to get up for most of the time I was "napping" so eventually I gave in to his demands to get up and be in the livingroom with him.

I laid down on the couch instead - on top of his bear blanket. (This is a teddy bear whose top and bottom halves are interrupted by a furry square of blanket.) Once he realized, he started grabbing it out from under me. Since grabbing was just another in a long line of infractions over the last few days, I started teasing him and refused to let him have it.

Finally, he started getting upset and his willingness to treat our tug-of-war as a game started to give way to genuine concern - for the bear blanket:

"You have to get off of him! He's going to throw up!"

"He's going to throw up? Why would he throw up?"

"You're laying on his tummy and it's very full. He ate an antelope a few days ago."

I found this statement completely delightful, so I relented and started to give him back the blanket. As I handed it to him he asked me, "Do you know what antelope tastes like?"

Of course, I went for the easy joke, knowing full well he wouldn't get it.

"Does it taste like chicken?"

"No, honeydew!"

Why would antelope taste like honeydew?

"Oh, your bear blanket ate a CANTALOUPE!"

Heartwrenching Conversations

The other night KosherCop told me a story that brought me to tears:

Mommy, I was playing Butler's Orchard today, but the store where I smelled all the stuff was a log cabin. And this Butler's Orchard had a REALLY BIG railroad track.

And they had oranges at Butler's Orchard...and your mother ate the oranges before she died.

It's shocking enough whenever KosherCop talks about death, but to hear him make up a story about my mother (Z''L) - the grandmother he never met - was unbearably heartwrenching.

But, suddenly, his tone changed and he sounded very mature and wise beyond his years.

But she saved one orange for you...she saved it for you so that you would have good luck.

She did? (Trying not to cry)

He was telling the story so earnestly, and with such authority, I half believed that somewhere out there was this beautiful, secret inheritance of a good luck orange.

So, where is my lucky orange?

You ate it already!

Well it must have been good luck...because I have you!

Yes, you ate the orange and it turned into a perfect baby...and then into a big boy... and that's me!

Then he looked at me with this wide-eyed, shy sort of expression and gave me a huge hug.

I wish my mother had gotten the chance to meet KosherCop. Although, sometimes when he says things like this, I wonder if maybe, somehow, she already has.