Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Queen of Schluburbia

What is Schluburbia you ask, and why would I want to rule this particular monarchy?

Schluburbia is the state of mind I have come to inhabit over the last 9 years. It started with a move from Boston to the Metro DC area. The plan was to find a husband or leave after 3 years to search elsewhere. Well, I found the husband, a wonderful one who has no plans to leave this overcrowded, overdeveloped, sprawling mess that spans 3 states of exurb, suburb, and the "urb" itself.

After the husband came the baby and the story is the same as any other woman who lives in a place she doesn't really like, in order to be with the people she loves.

But I really REALLY don't like where I live.

And I don't like what it has done to me. I've been worn down by relentless advertising from big box stores... that I now love. I've aspired to the cool, bland style of decorating guru "Martha." I've listened to the mix radio station...and enjoyed it. I have scrapbooked. (For all these transgressions, pardon me, forgive me...)

I used to wear funky clothes, and make accessories that were conversation pieces. I would try things simply to have a great story to tell afterwards. Now I get excited if I get to go to the craft store for an hour (uh, yes, one of those great big boxy ones in a giant strip mall), and I actually have clean clothes to wear. Last week I nearly fainted from the sheer joy of opening the doors of my newly organized linen closet and seeing all those neatly stacked towels and the labels I had put on the shelves.

But it is OK. Because if I must dwell in the land of the generic, the bland, the ubiquitous, then I shall be their queen.

If I have learned to love the craft store, then I will love it the most. If I am destined to a lifetime of bad haircuts from the "Hair Butchery", then I shall have the best worst haircuts ever. If I am a terrible housekeeper, then I shall be the best worst housekeeper in all the land. And if I am dumpy and look like a schlub as I hurtle into middle-age then I shall be the schlubbiest. For I am ViviLulu, Queen of Schluburbia.

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