In usual Kosher Whine style, as I was driving home from work we were still hashing out the details of the celebration. KosherCook wanted to go out to dinner. Meanwhile, I was midway through buying him a birthday cake, card, and card from KosherCop.
I raced home, put away the cake, and enlisted KosherCop to "distract" Daddy while I snuck into the bedroom with armloads of gift wrap and ribbon - then meet me in there to help wrap his gift.
Amazingly, KosherCop did exactly what I asked - he wandered into the kitchen and started talking to his Dad about how he didn't like his cards he made earlier. I thought this was a brilliant diversion.
Little did I know he actually was distraught about his 3 failed attempts to draw a birthday cake as a perfect oval (I love that he gets perspective and doesn't think the cake should be round), and the one small mistake he made on the one beautiful elaborate card he did finish.
By the time he finished telling me about it, he had become completely inconsolable. He was devastated that he didn't have a card and gift that he made. He didn't want to sign the store-bought card I got for him and he certainly didn't want the present to be from him either.
After about a half hour of hysterical tears, I finally convinced him to give KosherCook the card he had made (that wasn't "perfect"), and KosherCop reluctantly dictated the words for the inside:
Dear Daddy,And then he refused to sign it.
I don't like this card, but I love you. Happy Birthday. You make yummy dinners. And you are my father. Happy Birthday.
We finally made it out to dinner and had a nice meal. Although, KosherCook decided that my last beef kabob was far pinker than I'd ever eat, and helped himself to it before I could stop him. I let it go, since it was his birthday and all. But, I did make it clear that it was a good thing we were already married; if he had taken my last bite of anything on a date it would have been a dealbreaker and we wouldn't be here today.
KosherCook, of course, loved the card KosherCop made and was very happy with his new adjustable measuring cup and adjustable measuring spoons.
When dessert rolled around, we asked if there was any birthday cake - since it was his birthday (wink wink nudge nudge). There was, but there were also two flavors of pie. And KosherCook loves his pie.
For some reason he felt obligated to have cake and the most illogical argument I've ever heard followed:
It took me a while, but I think I finally figured out the point where the waitress and I both got lost. We both assumed that if there were two desserts and three people that we would all share the desserts - regardless of what those desserts were.KosherCook: I guess we'll have the cake.
Waitress: Just one piece?
KosherCook: No, I guess two.
Waitress: Both cake?
Me: If we are getting two why don't you get one cake and one pie?
KosherCook: No, that would be too much.
Me: But you are already getting two desserts - we can all share both.
KosherCook: Cake AND pie. No way. That's too much.
Waitress:?? (Looks at me with a look that says "This makes no sense to you either, right?")
Me: How can that be too much when it's the same amount. Two.
KosherCook: I can't possibly eat cake and pie. It's too much. We'll just have two pieces of cake.
Me: We'll have two pieces of cake. (Give look to waitress that says, "This makes no sense to me either.")
KosherCook made no such assumption. If we were ordering cake, he was having one piece - by himself - and KosherCop and I would be sharing the second piece. If we were also having pie, he would also be having one piece - by himself.
Clearly a piece of cake and a piece of pie are too much for one person.